Seriously y’all, there are zero fucks left

I’ve looked in all the corners and behind the doors. They’re just gone.

I’ve pissed off all my husband’s friends.

Well, that’s not entirely correct. I’ve pissed off most of my husband’s friends. Weirdly, the man I have been known to describe as the single most annoying human being on the planet has turned out to be kind of okay. I think we might be friends now.

It’s been a really weird month.

It all started when I decided that I’m not okay with the fact that I have spent 15 years in and out of therapy dealing with my shit and trying to be a better human, mother, and wife, while my husband has just plugged along not dealing with his emotions because he’s a man and “men don’t do that.”

So I told him to go the fuck to therapy. And he agreed, albeit very reluctantly.

For a second it got worse before it got better after his first solo appointment but then the therapist asked me to come in alone and I did and he explained a bunch of shit to me that really did help me understand my husband better. We have our first couples appointment Saturday and I’m already feeling confident that we will work things out.

The problem started when I started applying what I had learned to my husband’s friends. Specifically, this guy to whom he has always been super close, and whom I have always found incredibly irritating. It wouldn’t have mattered except a while back he married this woman I got really close with and it was one thing to ignore my husband when he said “I wish you would get to know my friend better” and quite another to ignore my friend when she said “I love you both and it hurts me that you don’t get along.”

So learning to get along with this man was already actively on my mind and then the therapist starts telling me all this shit about how my husband can’t help it because of how male children were raised in the 70s and I’m taking my morning walk wandering around thinking about this and about all those men and all their mothers (all of whom I know, of course) and suddenly seeing them all in a different light, not just the one I married.

It’s hard NOT to look at them all collectively. They’re all “cut from the same cloth” and will tell you so.

I finish my walk and I head back to my car and I’m already thinking about how I should call this man and apologize and try to make nice like his wife asked and then I pull my phone out and there’s a text from my friend telling me they split up.

I thought “this doesn’t concern you, you should mind your own business.”

And then I though “Fuck that, this IS my business.”

When two people I love are hurting, it hurts me, and that makes it my business.

So I called him and I apologized and I asked some questions and it turns out things have been slowly spiraling downward for almost a fucking year and somehow none of those fucking yahoos who are always yammering about how they’re “brothers” knew anything about this.

And that is not acceptable to me.

I’m raising two young men. I’m raising real, actual brothers. And I do not want them thinking that this is what healthy, normal male relationships look like.

This toxic, disgusting, “how could you be mad, I couldn’t possibly have known” when that is ABSOLUTE FUCKING BULLSHIT because we all have little magic boxes in our pockets that can send messages anywhere on the planet at the push of a button so don’t fucking tell me you were too busy to check on your friend.

Women somehow manage to hold down full-time jobs, GROW HUMAN BEINGS INSIDE OUR BODIES and still make sure our friends’ lives aren’t imploding.

“Men don’t do that” is not an acceptable answer any longer.

Do it, or get the fuck out of my life.

One guy already chose the latter. He thought it was SOOOO FUCKING UNREASONABLE of me to expect him to actually find a few seconds in his life to give a shit about his friend. He thought it was MY obligation to find out all this information and report it back to him.

I asked him to call his friend, he said he would, he DID NOT and in his mind I’m the bad guy.

NOPE.

These men are going to do better or they are going to go away.

I genuinely do not care anymore which one they choose.

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