EVERYONE IS REAL

the value of a human life

and it’s cruel to tell people they aren’t

Yesterday I posted a thing on facebook about how it bugs me when people say “wrestling isn’t real.” I don’t watch wrestling. It isn’t my jam. But I’m fully aware that professional wrestlers are artists in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY as actors. Professional wrestlers are just stuntpersons who like to create their own character and conflict. It’s a form of athletic creativity. It’s adorable. It is very, very REAL.

What I got was several women saying “I know exactly what you mean” and one upper middle class white guy who said something along the lines of yeah but you can’t WIN so they aren’t REAL ATHLETES.

NOPE.

The definition of the word “athlete” is “one who is proficient in physical activities such as sports.” Competition has NOTHING to do with being an athlete.

But what’s the big deal, right? Who cares if some dude thinks you have to win to be an athlete? Just let him think that. It doesn’t hurt anyone.

Oh, but it does. And I’ll tell you how.

That man has never once in his life had to prove that he deserves to exist. I have. Over and over and over again.

To be “real” in America, you have to be “worthy.” And to be “worthy” you have to WIN. Always. Everyday. If you stop competing, you die.

The American economic system is based on creating infinite growth from finite resources. It is inherently predatory.

We measure “success” in dollars. But money is a purely fictional construct. It was created as a tool of convenience, because trading and sharing are all well and good but you can’t just carry chickens about with you all day. So humans invented money.

And somewhere along the line, some old white dudes got it in their head that MONEY is REAL, and PEOPLE are not.

Do you know what it is like to sit in a room with someone and look them in the eye while they say that your existence is a burden on your family, on society, on the whole world, that you don’t deserve to exist, that you are a mistake, that you are worthless, but oh by the way, you should thank us for letting you exist, and stop whining and go sit in the corner and be invisible.

EVERY FUCKING DAY. FOR FORTY FUCKING YEARS. I have been trying to convince people that I am here, that I am real, that I am WORTHY.

I bitch about lawyers a lot. The truth is, lots of them are really well meaning. They’re just so fucking clueless about real life and it infuriates me.

No one has ever actually said the words “you don’t deserve to live” to me. Well, other than my “parents.” What they say is:

“Free lunches for students are a waste of money. It is the responsibility of the parents to feed the children. If they can’t do that, they shouldn’t have had children.”

But to me, those free lunches were literally the difference between life or death. So you can see how that might hurt my feelings a bit.

What they say is:

“Why should I have to pay for libraries? They don’t benefit me or my children at all.”

Libraries saved my soul. Libraries are the cornerstone of society. Libraries are the ultimate safe space for millions of people across this horrible nation. Libraries are so much more than a place to borrow a book. They cannot be replaced by a Barnes and Noble.

What they say is:

“Smile, your mother chose life!”

She didn’t want me. She never wanted me. I was a mistake. not an accident. A MISTAKE. She told me so all the time. Her husband was forever telling me how the world would be a better place if I wasn’t in it. Then I grow up and win all the battles and become this incredibly skilled attorney and it feels like all I ever hear from other attorneys is either “people like that don’t deserve to live” or “people like that should be pitied” and they don’t seem to realize that “people like that” AREN’T ANY DIFFERENT FROM THEM AT ALL.

We just don’t have any money because PEOPLE LIKE THEM WON’T LET US HAVE ANY. And I cannot fucking understand WHY.

Why does the guy who tells people how great the beer is “deserve” to be a millionaire, but the guy who makes the fucking beer doesn’t “deserve” a living wage?

Why does a football player “deserve” more money than he can ever spend in his life, but the person who puts the cans of food on the shelf to enable the rest of us to FEED OUR FUCKING FAMILIES has an obligation to “grow up” and “get a real job.”

I don’t get it.

And I spent so long as the undeserving and now I’m the deserving and it’s like I’ve lived two different lives in two different worlds. It’s confusing.

It’s illuminating.

It’s why I run around yelling FUCK YOOOOOOUUUUU!!! all the time.

I didn’t come for a fight, but I will fight til the ending1

All I have ever wanted in life is to just BE ALLOWED TO BE. But the world made my entire existence a battleground.

And I won.

I’m going to tell you all about it.

But in fits and starts, because this shit is HARD TO SAY and people have spent decades beating it into me that I SHOULD NOT SAY IT. Literally and metaphorically.

But I’ll get there. Be patient with me.

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1 fallout boy. more on them later

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